The (Almost) Science Fiction Guide To Gym Etiquette

After delivering some humorous jabs at the people who are a bit more obnoxious to have around at the gym, I figured I might as well put some thought into what might makes everyone’s life easier.

Territorial Strikes

Many of us Germans have an unhappy habit when we are on vacation: first thing in the morning, we go to down to the hotel pool and mark our territory by dropping a towel on the sunlounger we plan on using six hours later. At least in that regard, don’t be a German: When you take a rest, let others use the machine you are on, especially if there are not enough for everybody.

Put Things Back Where They Belong

It isn’t nice to have to sort through heaps of discarded weight plates and bars lying around to get those together you need. Them being on the floor also provides ample opportunity to stumble over them and smash your head into the smith machine.

Be A Hitchhiker, Carry A Towel

As Douglas Adams wrote in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, it pays to have a towel with you when traveling to distant stars. At the gym you can nicely use them to wipe your sweat off handles and benches. Because if everybody does, to explore strange new germs, to seek out new viruses and new skin irritations becomes much less likely. (If you recognized the line I paraphrased here, you are at least as much of a geek as I am.)

Let The Music Flow (Into Your Ear)

Really, I can understand that you can only really concentrate on that last final set if you have Dismembered Barbie from  death metal band Anthrax Acid playing, but the guy next to you, who is much more into I Left My Heart In An Appalachian River from Wholesome Cowchicks might be feeling his gums peeling back. A good, nice set of earphones can make everyone’s life easier.

E.T. Phone Home

If you aren’t an extraterrestrial with a ten inch neck, lost on a strange planet where people have decidedly shorter necks they can’t even extent, hoping that someone will  finally come along to pick you up at any given moment, is it really necessary to have a phone with you? (Ok, enough with the science-fiction nerdiness already!)

"Did you notice this text still didn't have a Star Wars reference, Hank?"

Life Is A Party

A friend who encourages you through the last and most difficult rep is priceless. But have you heard yet that Shandra eyed Will, who actually is still together with Katy, who coincidentally is a friend of Greg, who always wanted to get together with Shandra? Oh man, look, I can balance a dumbbell on my little finger! And, uh, did you see Terminator 11 yet? Have fun and socialize after working out and outside the training area. Doing it inside pretty much terminates any effect your training could have and make everyone around want to terminate you.

Life Could Be So Easy

All me blabbering here is dressing up with a lot of words what could be put into two: be courteous. That really is all there is to it. Just a bit of thinking about how you would want to be treated, a simple “please” or a “thank you” from time to time and the great human experiment more often than not rolls along just nicely. At the gym and elsewhere.

Pictures courtesy of Luis Daniel Carbia Cabeza and Gordon Tarpley.