The (Almost) Science Fiction Guide To Gym Etiquette
After delivering some humorous jabs at the people who are a bit more obnoxious to have around at the gym, I figured I might as well put some thought into what might makes everyone’s life easier.
Territorial Strikes
Many of us Germans have an unhappy habit when we are on vacation: first thing in the morning, we go to down to the hotel pool and mark our territory by dropping a towel on the sunlounger we plan on using six hours later. At least in that regard, don’t be a German: When you take a rest, let others use the machine you are on, especially if there are not enough for everybody.
Put Things Back Where They Belong
It isn’t nice to have to sort through heaps of discarded weight plates and bars lying around to get those together you need. Them being on the floor also provides ample opportunity to stumble over them and smash your head into the smith machine.
Be A Hitchhiker, Carry A Towel
As Douglas Adams wrote in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, it pays to have a towel with you when traveling to distant stars. At the gym you can nicely use them to wipe your sweat off handles and benches. Because if everybody does, to explore strange new germs, to seek out new viruses and new skin irritations becomes much less likely. (If you recognized the line I paraphrased here, you are at least as much of a geek as I am.)
Let The Music Flow (Into Your Ear)
Really, I can understand that you can only really concentrate on that last final set if you have Dismembered Barbie from death metal band Anthrax Acid playing, but the guy next to you, who is much more into I Left My Heart In An Appalachian River from Wholesome Cowchicks might be feeling his gums peeling back. A good, nice set of earphones can make everyone’s life easier.
E.T. Phone Home
If you aren’t an extraterrestrial with a ten inch neck, lost on a strange planet where people have decidedly shorter necks they can’t even extent, hoping that someone will finally come along to pick you up at any given moment, is it really necessary to have a phone with you? (Ok, enough with the science-fiction nerdiness already!)
Life Is A Party
A friend who encourages you through the last and most difficult rep is priceless. But have you heard yet that Shandra eyed Will, who actually is still together with Katy, who coincidentally is a friend of Greg, who always wanted to get together with Shandra? Oh man, look, I can balance a dumbbell on my little finger! And, uh, did you see Terminator 11 yet? Have fun and socialize after working out and outside the training area. Doing it inside pretty much terminates any effect your training could have and make everyone around want to terminate you.
Life Could Be So Easy
All me blabbering here is dressing up with a lot of words what could be put into two: be courteous. That really is all there is to it. Just a bit of thinking about how you would want to be treated, a simple “please” or a “thank you” from time to time and the great human experiment more often than not rolls along just nicely. At the gym and elsewhere.
Pictures courtesy of Luis Daniel Carbia Cabeza and Gordon Tarpley.
2 Comments
Hoggers. I can’t stand them. Very rare, but I’ve occasionally had to deal with those smuggling as many dumb bells under their bench for their whole routine… literally, pulling them as close as possible to the bench to avoid any takers. I can understand a few dumb bell sets, but 4-5 sets of dumb bells all to yourself? My gym isn’t even that expansive in terms of space and free weights in the first place (campus gym). At least line them up openly so people may jump in to perform their routine as well.
A variation of that, well one man I know specifically, is the imperialist hogger; an individual who sets up their desired weight-level for various stations around the gym, where they rotate for each one, and thence take a tantrum if you happen to use the “unoccupied” station when the imperialist about to cycle to it. You must adapt to the gym’s traffic; they will not all adapt to yours. It’s ridiculous when an individual finishes their squat set, then hastes over perplexed when I was adding on weight to the available incline-bench set-up…
The “imperalist hogger”, LMAO. Fraser, I will remember that one! 😀