You probably know those tiring lists and posters with inspirational workout and fitness quotes. Let’s look at some of the really useful quotes in the spirit of “I came, I saw, I dropped the weight on my foot”.
10. “Trust me, I have been doing it for years.”
Those four slipped discs must have been coincidence then.
Inspirational message: Put on your glasses, because at some gyms, the one-eyed is the king of the blind.
9. “Shut up, I have done this way more often than you.”
Directly leading over from #10.
Inspirational message: Sometimes all you can do is try to prevent a mistake and then step out of the way of the runaway freight train.
8. “Sorry man, I really tried to catch it!”
Admit it, you too searched YouTube for “weightlifting accident” and half of the videos you found showed a guy doing a bench press and having 200 lbs hit him square in the chest – while his so-called spotter has the expression of a deer in the headlights.
Inspirational message: Make sure your spotter knows the difference between “spotting” and “gawking” or use a cage – they usually don’t get distracted by blondes.
7. “If he can do 210 lbs, I can do that too.”
What does it matter that your best at bench pressing so far was 160, you just have to beat that obnoxious guy who is so full of himself.
Inspirational message: You are setting yourself up for some interesting visits to the ER if you choose to train by someone else’s limits and not your own.
6. “So what, I only had a couple.”
Yeah, nothing works better to improve your fitness than DUI – deadlifting under the influence and seeing two barbells where there should be one.
Inspirational message: Exercise drunk and at the hospital you’ll get to decide if you fell over the real or the imaginary barbell.
5. “Warming up is for girls.”
Of course, because it’s only male tendons that make the really interesting noises when snapping.
Inspirational message: Discover your metrosexual self and do some freaking warm-ups.
4. “I’m not swinging the dumbbell!”
No, you aren’t. It’s a stray Russian satellite on a low velocity course that is heading to the shake counter.
Inspirational message: If it feels like the dumbbell is trying to get away from you, you are swinging!
3. “I have never touched steroids.”
Of course not, it’s just interesting that you doubled your 1RM in six months and have this bad acne – at 45.
Inspirational message: If you get a steroid abuser to admit, consider a career in investigative journalism or as a CIA interrogator.
2. “I get my leg work from cardio.”
Yep. And you better hope there never ever will be a shortage of long pants.
Inspirational message: If your arms are bigger than your quads, you should start looking for some really steep hills to do cardio.
1. “Pain is weakness leaving the body.”
Ah, I get it: you not being able to move your arm above the shoulder without crying out shows workout progress.
Inspirational message: Pain is your body telling you you are doing something freaking wrong, you fool!
Picture courtesy of “IntangibleArts“.