Driven Sports: Goodbye Craze, Hello Frenzy

Driven Sports is the last supplement company in the world to see a ban of one their products as a reason to reform. No, they replace it with something even more powerful.

Matt, You Are Wonderful!

Ah, Matt Cahill, that beacon of hope for those who think that stronger is always better, even when it has your liver gasping for air around the last corner and trying to catch up.

Without him we’d have never had all the entertainment that selling a meth-substitute to bodybuilders provides.

When that scandal hit the fan and most stores stopped carrying Craze, the naive among us thought that it was all over, that there was no way for him and his Driven Sports to recover. Little did we know what goes in his head.

It must have been along these lines: I feel really bad about all this. Gosh, I mean, one unconscious teenager, don’t they see how it helped so many people achieve their dreams? I have a duty to make money come up with something even better! And this time, this time I won’t tell anyone what’s in it!

“Frenzy”

The result is “Frenzy.” And I’m serious, nobody knows what’s in it and to make sure it stays that way, the stuff is currently produced outside the US and will only be sold via internet retailers. According to USA Today, first users report that they felt rage, aggression and restlessness.

Given that, another neat name for this new supplement would have been “Psychosis.” A bodybuilding.com forum user summarized it in this nice comment:

Hopefully this will include some sort of benzodiazepine to reduce the jitters caused by amphetamines. Life is all about balance.

I admit, it made me laugh.

“Intra-Workout” Supplement

But that’s not nearly all, folks. When Matt’s on a run (no, not that kind of run, that lawsuit is still pending), the great ideas just flow from one of his orifices.

If you thought you needed a pre-workout and a post-workout supplement, you are so 2013. According to Matt and other creative minds interested in selling you ever more, there is also room for an “intra-workout” supplement, one you take inbetween sets. His is called “Splyce.” As in hair? No, I’m being silly.

Given the product description, it’s based on amino acids. What exactly your body is supposed to do with amino acids during a workout – don’t ask me. At that point it needs carbs for maximum performance and those you should eat somewhere between 30 – 60 minutes before you started. Amino acids – protein –  are only useful afterwards.

To Each Their Own

A lot of guys are looking forward to Frenzy and Splyce becoming available (which is supposed to happen in March). They don’t care what’s in there, as long as it does what’s promised.

Frankly, a convicted felon like Matt Cahill and these people are made for one another. Like wolf and sheep and cat and mice. He is the gul in their lible.

Picture courtesy of “isafmedia“.