11 Important Reasons Not To Exercise

Everybody tells you it’s good for you to exercise! They are all lying! Exercising has eleven very important disadvantages you shouldn’t take lightly! Time for the truth!

1. You’ll Turn Into A Zombie

Turn on the TV, I dare you, and watch just one of those infomercials where they advertise the Bellyshrinkyloopaloozer or some other crap for just 87 easy installments of just $89 – do you want end up like one of those zombiotically grinning idiots on there? Those people used to be normal!

 2. Exercise Is Addictive

And that’s because they got addicted and now have to sell their souls to get their next fix! Ever hear those jogger junkies talk about the “runner’s high”? You know what they are talking about? Endorphins! And they make it sound like it’s a good thing! It’s cocaine minus the snort!

3. You’ll Be U-Haul

Those guys who started exercising and got arms like other people have legs? Do you know how they end up? Their friends and attractive neighbours from next door expect them to help move big boxes, lift couches, and change their flat tires! Without payment!

4. You’ll Waste Money On Medical Insurance!

To get skinny you’ll spend money on vegetables and greens and general rabbit food and hop around like the Energizer bunny. Yucky! And then?  Then you’ll still pay for your medical insurance and never need it short of breaking your leg! Get even with those insurance vampires: stay big and have them cough up for a bypass! If you don’t manage one per year, you are doing it wrong!

5. You’ll Live Longer

Let’s face it: your life is filled with watching Friends reruns and sitting in traffic jams. What in the world do you want another five to ten years for, anyway? Going out and joining a fitness class you might actually meet people. Like real people. And they smell, because they move so much, and could end up liking you, because you have a common goal!

6. You’ll Turn Sexy!

Yeah, it could make you sexy! But do you really want that? In this shallow age and time it should be our inner values that count, not sexy six-packs. Or firm butts. Or those muscular arms you can crack walnuts with. Ok, I got a bit distracted here.

7. It’s Dictatorship!

Who is to say anyway what you should look like? If you want to kill your joints and love your high blood pressure, you have the right to! Let’s end this tyranny and say yes, yes I want to wear oversize jeans because I can!

8. You Pay The Same For Less

And what really nobody tells you is that getting to buy smaller clothes doesn’t really make them cheaper! Is that fair? If you pay the same for 5XL as for XL, you might as well make sure you get the most cotton for your buck!

9. It Takes Ages!

All that numbing time spend on the treadmill or running around a pond without actually wanting to go anywhere! And that makes more sense than watching sitcoms? Those at least teach you something important! Like the fact that people on TV have something better to do than watching TV. Oh, wait!

10. It’s Dangerous!

I bet you have seen all those stupid videos where people break their butts exercising! And that is supposed to make you live longer? Yeah, right, if you survive it!

11. It’s Bad For The Environment!

Think about all the time you have to spend showering because all the exercising made you sweat. All that wasted water!  Don’t these fitness idiots think about the environment?

Picture courtesy of “lululemon“.